Ambien. No doubt about it.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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