Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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