I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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