I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
