so that wasnt chicken after all
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
