end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
