I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
