He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
