my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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