Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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