I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
