i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
