someone threw a dead crab at me
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize