Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Randomize
