in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
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It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
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I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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