speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
handjob tips. give me some.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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