If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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