The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
