i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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