Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
