i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
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You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
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I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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