Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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