Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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