This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You're a waste of cheezeits
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
