i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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