On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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