Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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