All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
