Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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