we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
