We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
