I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
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That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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