Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
