How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Couch. On fire.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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