I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
