dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
