he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
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My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
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do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
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