I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
