Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Ladies don't puke and tell
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
