Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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