someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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