I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
