Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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