How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
