I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
