Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
