She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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