'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
