they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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