I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
