is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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