Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
