Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
