Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Randomize
