do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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