You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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