I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
