Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
