I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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