just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
