I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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