Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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