I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
