I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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