if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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