we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the condom got lost in my hair
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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