thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
