Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
