Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
