he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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