im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
